Stop Telling People Your Goals (Start Working In Silence)

Man posing beside computer
Find yourself a little workspace you love and go into periods of hiding. Tell no one what you're working on, watch what happens.

You need to stop telling people your goals.

Seriously.

It’s holding you back way more than you think.

In a word where cheap dopamine is at our fingertips 24/7, keeping things to ourselves can often be our only saviour.

That’s a big statement, but I stand by it.

See, much more goes into goal setting and goal achieving than you may think.

The reward system accompanying goals plays an incredibly important part in our motivation.

What if I told you the main reason you can’t achieve your goals is because you’re constantly messing with this reward system?

Well, it’s true.

Telling people your goals too early, combined with the cheap dopamine releases from social media, has f*cked our internal reward system.

But there’s a way to reset it.

Like always, it’s just a bit more uncomfortable.

The Chase For Cheap Dopamine

Look, I get it.

It feels so good to tell someone your goals.

Chatting to your friends about the person you aspire to become.

All the things you aspire to do.

The conversation itself can often make it feel like you’re already there.

Already achieving.

Already experiencing.

It can give you a break from your monotonous, everyday life that you’re so desperately trying to escape from.

Vocalising all the grand things you dream of doing and achieving sounds like a great way to speak this life into existence.

But, that’s the problem.

When you’re already there, already achieving, there’s less incentive for you to actually get there.

That’s because speaking something into existence really can trick your brain into thinking it already exists.

And if something feels like it already exists, then what happens to the motivation needed to push towards it?

The Psychology of Goal-Setting and Sharing

This is the part where I use the brain of someone much, much smarter than me.

Because you’ll probably believe them more than you’ll believe me.

Yep, neuroscientist Andrew Huberman says there is real science backing all of this.

And it’s damn interesting.

When you set a goal, your brain releases dopamine in anticipation of the reward you’ll receive upon achieving that goal.

This anticipation keeps you motivated and focused on the tasks required to achieve your goal.

When you share your plans with others, your brain releases dopamine prematurely.

People will be like, “sheesh, did you hear Jack is going to climb Everest?”

Everyone starts thinking you’re a badass.

You become a stud.

And all that praise and recognition takes away that big old dopamine burst that was awaiting you at the top of the mountain.

Since part of the satisfaction has been achieved through sharing, the drive to complete the goal diminishes.

You feel less inclined to put in the necessary effort because the brain’s reward system has been somewhat satiated.

I hope that’s as mind-blowing to you as it was to me when I first learned this.

I realised that I was giving away most of the reward before I’d even started working toward the goal.

Is there any wonder I struggled to achieve anything meaningful?

Maintaining Focus and Avoiding Distractions

When you give away your goals and plans, you also give away your ability to work in silence.

How’s the training for Everest going?

Bro, do you know how expensive it is?

You know you might die, right?

That initial burst of dopamine you craved from telling people your plans really does come back to bite you in the ass.

There is something special that comes with working in silence.

Where people only find out what you’re working on or succeeding in because they see the success right there in front of them.

Where the results literally speak for themselves.

Have you ever been so excited to tell someone something, only to regret even telling them in the first place?

I have.

Too many times to count.

The Pressure of External Expectations

And now that you’ve told them and experienced that cheap rush… you have a lot to live up to man.

Now, anything but the best is unacceptable.

However much you’ve hyped it up (which is usually more than it naturally will be) is the level you’ve got to reach.

On the surface, this seems like a good thing.

But when you reach a hurdle, or something comes up that makes achieving this goal more difficult, you’ll probably give up.

After all, you’ve already been praised for trying, that’s probably enough, right?

And so the loop continues.

Alternatives & The Way Forward

Okay, so hopefully (backed with science no-less!!!!) I have convinced you to start keeping things to your damn self.

But I understand this can be hard sometimes.

So here are three things to help you achieve your goals in silence:

1. Build a self-reward system

Imagine a world where you could be your own dopamine dealer.

Well, you can… it’s just bloody difficult.

But implementing a self-reward system is one way to do this.

It’s simple… when you achieve something, reward yourself!

This reward may look different for everyone.

For me, after I finish writing a blog post, I blast my favourite songs really loud (I’m usually on a coffee high during this).

That makes me so happy (it’s usually The Strokes).

It may be a sweet treat for you, a chat with your favourite person or an episode of your favourite show.

Reward yourself for doing good work.

And don’t feel guilty for your little indulgence.

2. Start journaling

This where you can be a bit of a dweeb.

Write how you really feel.

All that sh*t that’s going on inside your head.

All the doubts, failures, successes.

Your journal, hopefully, is something no one else will ever read.

Allow your thoughts to materialise and get them out.

Part of the creative process required to get where you want to be is to free up the necessary space to allow for new thinking.

If you let these thoughts crowd up that space, your creative thinking will be severely hindered.  

And it will be evident in your work.

3. Find an accountability partner

Personally, I don’t have an accountability partner.

That’s because the person I’m trying to become is one who can be accountable for all of his own actions, good or bad.

In saying this, my best friend knows a lot more about my plans and goals than anyone else.

And there are times when it does help to bounce certain ideas or problems off her to gain a different perspective.

I would recommend having someone like this in your life.

An accountability partner or a close friend who really knows you and the person you’re trying to become.

It’s up to you how much you tell them.

Though, I would recommend keeping most goals private.

But keeping things private does not mean lying, remember that.

And remember this…

Memento mori. 

Picture of Who is Jack Waters?

Who is Jack Waters?

He used to be a journalist, then he got bored. Now he writes about random stuff on the internet.

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