They’re supposed to be the most exciting years of your life, and that incredibly optimistic expectation is why we’re so shocked when they aren’t.
I’ve hated most of my 20s.
And if you’re reading this, then you probably have too.
As I edge ever closer to the next decade of my life (I turn 29 soon), I’m starting to realise that hating life, especially your 20s, is actually pretty normal.
Whilst that sounds depressing as hell, I think this realisation is important.
If your 20s have sucked, it’s for a good reason… they’re supposed to.
Things Start To Make Sense in Your 20s
Your 20s are a decade of realisations (for better or for worse).
The realisation that partying gets less fun.
The realisation that perhaps that university degree wasn’t worth it.
The realisation that it’s actually really bloody expensive just to stay alive.
And the ultimate realisation that unless you do something unique or different to earn an income, you’ll be working another 40 years for someone you dislike in a job you hate.
And there it is…
The biggest misconception about your 20s is that you’ve got freedom.
You don’t.
Perhaps you have freedom of mind, freedom of thought and freedom to travel anywhere you please, but you’ve got no money, and you don’t have the ability to say no.
Without the ability to say no, what freedom do you really have?
Sure, you can take a gap year and do whatever you want for a while, but you still have to come back and face reality.
I’ve talked about the power of F-You Money before – being financially stable enough to say no to the things you don’t want to do.
This is life-changing, but this is certainly not something you have as a 20-year-old.
Money might not be able to buy happiness, but it can buy the ability to say no.
From my experience, the more you can say no, the better life becomes.
How can you expect to enjoy a time in your life when you’re constantly forced to do things you don’t want to do?
When you look at it objectively, there’s really no reason why your 20s should be better than any other time in your life.
Sure, you’re young, but you certainly aren’t free.
You have an abundance of choice, but the paradox of choice has proven time and time again to cause more harm than good.
But it gets worse…
Then You Start To Gain A Conscious
You come to a point where the realisations turn into questions.
If you’re constantly doing things you don’t want to do, then what’s the point of even being here?
And come to think of it… why am I even here in the first place?
Wait… why are any of us even here?
A quote that’s stuck with me for a quite a while is this:
“To what end, he wondered, had the Divine created the stars in heaven to fill a man with feelings of inspiration one day and insignificance the next?”
Amor Towles – A Gentleman in Moscow
Your 20s are such a contrast.
One day (perhaps quite rarely) you feel like you can conquer the world.
You feel like you may have cracked the code and finally figured out the path you want to take.
The next, you feel utterly useless.
Your 20s Dictate Your Future Life
Whilst I don’t think your 20s are necessarily the best years of your life, I do think they’re the most important.
These are the years that lay the foundation for your life to come.
The years you’re building your habits, finding your identity and figuring out who the hell you are.
Perhaps that’s why they’re hard, because you’re having to work to figure all this stuff out.
I feel like, somehow, I’ve actually found the answers to a lot of the things younger Jack was questioning (especially over the past couple of years).
And yes, it took a hell of a lot of work.
Whilst the answers I’ve found aren’t always what younger me would’ve liked to hear, I do feel a sense of comfort in these realisations.
So, If I could go back in time, here are 7 things I’d tell my 20-year-old self:
1. Invest, But Don’t Become Obsessed with Money
Two sides of the coin that are equally as important.
I can’t tell you want to invest in, because I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in Australia… but find something.
Learn the stock market (it’s not hard), invest in something boring, and be patient.
If there’s one good thing that exists in this world, it’s compounding interest.
But don’t let your obsession with money and saving stop you from doing the things you really want to do.
When you get into investing, it’s very easy to adopt an unhealthy relationship with money (I’ve been there).
Be smart with your spending but allow yourself to indulge every now and again.
And be patient, I cannot stress that enough.
2. Travel Will Change Your Life
Even if you don’t enjoy it.
For me, the best part about travelling was coming home.
I loved experiencing new cultures and seeing new places, but the entire experience just made me appreciate home more.
You’ll always wonder what it’s like until you fully commit and try it.
I travelled through Europe for almost four months, and it answered so many questions I had.
The ultimate one being… would I be happier elsewhere?
Nope.
3. Don’t Lose The Ability To Play
In your quest to build something or become someone, don’t lose your ability to have fun along the way.
One of the best skills you can practice during your 20s is your ability to allow yourself to go off track, but get right back on track almost instantaneously.
An all or nothing mentality is dangerous and unsustainable.
Balance is everything, and allowing yourself to play is part of that balance.
4. Choose Your Responsibilities Wisely
The more responsibilities you take on, the less freedom you have.
A pet, a person, material possessions – all things that require extra attention, money and time.
These responsibilities might make your life exponentially better, but there is no doubt that they reduce your ability to say no.
Make sure they’re worth it.
5. Don’t Settle, Time Isn’t Running Out
This is one I’m still working through myself.
I have some imaginary timeline that seems to end when I hit 30, though I know nothing in my life changes at that age.
I’m doing my best not to settle for things (people, environments, situations) just because I feel like ‘time is running out’.
It’s not, I know it’s not, but the thoughts are still there.
Do your best not to settle for something just because you think the opportunities are running out.
6. Your Only Purpose Is To Live
It’s only right to question your purpose, so continue to do so if you feel inclined.
But I think the biggest mistake we make as humans is believing there is something more to life than simply living it.
I’m not more important than an ant or a butterfly, and I’m not sure what gave me the idea that I was.
This is liberating, and if you truly believe this to be the case, then life really does start to look different.
Moment to moment is your purpose, and the objective is to be fully present for each of those moments.
It will be hard, and I’m far from being there, but it’s worth trying to get there.
7. There May Not Be A Grand Life Awaiting You
And with the previous point comes this.
When all that’s left to do is live (and you believe there’s nothing awaiting you except for the present moment) the focus shifts from the grand to the mundane.
This is a change that may be incredibly difficult to accept initially, but one that I believe is inevitable.
The ‘grand life’ was only a thing of your imagination anyway.
You can still live a grand life, but you’ll just have to change your definition of what grand means to you.
Maybe that’s drinking a coffee whilst watching the sunrise with a person you really, really like.
Maybe that wasn’t so grand to you, 20-year-old Jack.
But it makes 28-year-old Jack really damn happy.
You Can Make Your 20s Worthwhile, If You Want
I know some of my writing isn’t too comforting to read at times, but I try to be as honest with you as possible.
I’d say my 20s have been a 90/10 split (90% sucking, 10% being good) and that is absolutely wild to think about.
Yours might very well be the same.
I’m not going to tell you that it gets better, because I don’t know that that’s the case for everyone.
What I can assure you though, is that if you keep doing things that you know are good for you, then you’ll at least put yourself in a position to be able to explore the ideas, opportunities and experiences that could end up making you happy.
The less time you have to sell to others, the more time you have for yourself.
I hope you enjoy that time you get to spend with yourself doing whatever the hell you want to do with whoever the hell you want to do it with.
Because that’s life, nothing more.
And as soon as we accept that there’s nothing more than that, the sooner we can start enjoying it.
