Have you ever heard of Social Monk Mode?
There’s a good chance you haven’t – because it’s a term I made up.
Alas, Social Monk Mode is a new era that I’ve recently entered, spawned by the shortcomings of its popular predecessor, Monk Mode.
If you’re a young man, this post may be the most important thing you read this year.
Even if you’re a woman who loves isolating yourself to get s**t done, this will be relevant for you too.
Though it may seem harmless and productive on the surface, Monk Mode can have some very real consequences if not executed correctly.
I’m going to tell you why Social Monk Mode is the better choice for you if you’re looking to elevate your life.
What Is Monk Mode?
Monk Mode is a self-imposed state of extreme focus and isolation, a period when someone will shut out the world around them so they can focus on getting things done.
In the self-improvement space, Monk Mode is usually adopted by men looking to improve their mindset, grow their business and build their bodies.
In a world filled with constant distractions, you can see why Monk Mode is so beneficial.
For some people, this intense period of isolation can work wonders.
But for others, including myself, it can have the complete opposite effect.
We Are In A Loneliness Epidemic
In Australia, my home country, men account for 3 in 4 suicides.
I think it’s safe to attribute most of those deaths to loneliness.
We truly are in a loneliness epidemic, an epidemic that’s been exacerbated by dating apps and social media.
If you’re a single man who doesn’t play team sport and isn’t on dating apps or social media, life can be incredibly lonely.
Like, really damn lonely.
Making friends as an adult, offline, in 2024, is hard.
It requires a huge burst of initial discomfort to introduce yourself to someone, followed by consistent effort to maintain and grow that friendship over time.
And that’s where Monk Mode falls short.
Monk Mode is often used as an excuse for men to avoid doing this.
They shut themselves off from the world and avoid social interactions because they’re busy “working on themselves.”
How do I know this?
Because this is what I did for years.
Whilst I made good progress in some areas, other parts of my life lagged behind.
The important parts.
I’ve now come to realise that the best progress you can make as a man is fostering deep, meaningful, loving friendships and relationships with those around you.
Every part of your being will benefit from this.
Shutting yourself off from this is not only detrimental to you, but it’s unfair on those around you.
Take this from someone who has been on both sides.
The quality of your relationships has a direct correlation with the quality of your life.
Again, in bold.
The quality of your relationships has a direct correlation with the quality of your life.
So, let’s look at this through a different lens.
Introducing Social Monk Mode
You know what’s funny?
Monks aren’t actually anti-social.
They don’t shut themselves off from the world to work on themselves.
They open themselves up to it, constantly connecting and interacting with other monks and the surrounding community.
Somewhere along the way, the premise of Monk Mode has been lost.
There is absolutely no reason to shut yourself off from the world so you can work on yourself.
This is not a ‘one or the other’ type deal.
You can work on yourself whilst maintaining friendships and meeting new people.
And, honestly, this will make your journey much more enjoyable.
Here are four things to keep in mind when introducing Social Monk Mode into your life:
1. Find Your Balance
The first, and most important step, is to find and maintain a healthy balance between socialising and solitude.
It’s important to recognise the value of both for personal growth and well-being, and plan accordingly.
If you’re an extrovert, you may need to keep your social battery topped up a little bit more than someone who thrives off isolation.
Though, I would argue, if you are introverted, you will most likely benefit from stepping outside your comfort zone and overloading your social battery every once in a while.
“The introvert may need to get out of the house, engage with the world, get public. The extrovert may need to stay home and read a book. Sometimes we need to get out there, sometimes we need to get in there. Some days our road less travelled is a solitary dirt trail. On others, it’s the subway on the 7 line.”
Matthew McConaughey from his book Greenlights
Deep down you will know what you need for balance and which way the scale needs to tip for your growth.
Just know it might be a bit uncomfortable, but that discomfort is the precursor to growth.
2. Keep Trying New Experiences
This goes hand-in-hand with the first point and with what we talked about at the beginning of the article.
You need to be doing new things.
You need to be meeting new people.
You will not grow as a man if you’re not putting yourself in new situations.
Meditating on what you’re going to do in a certain situation is not as effective as actually just putting yourself in that situation in the first place.
Shut yourself off in the morning – get your work done.
Venture into new places in the evening – let the discomfort flow into growth.
3. Give Full Presence During Social Interactions
When entering Social Monk Mode, quality over quantity is huge.
This refers to quality of friendships AND quality of the time spent with these friends.
Instead of hanging out with a friend for a full day with scattered focus, spend a couple of hours with that friend and give them your full presence.
Identify which friendships you want to grow and which superficial friendships are holding you back.
When I first did this, my friendship circle shrunk drastically.
But I was left with people I genuinely enjoyed spending time with.
4. Surround Yourself With Supportive People
This expands on the previous point.
I’m a big believer in working in silence and letting the results speak for themselves.
But your close friends should still know a little bit about what’s going on behind the scenes.
My friends know about my blog and my newsletter, but they don’t know about the grand plans I’ve got for it.
Until they read this blog post I guess…
They know about my journey to become better, and they’re incredibly supportive of it.
You need to find supportive and uplifting individuals who encourage this side of you and, perhaps, share similar aspirations.
“Working on yourself” with a group of supportive friends pushing you will give you far greater results than doing it alone.
Remember That Solitude Is Still Bliss
Space around me where my soul can breathe,
Off guard body that my mind can leave,
Nothing else matters, I don’t care what I’ll miss,
Company’s okay, solitude is bliss.
Tame Impala – Solitude is Bliss
I want to lastly acknowledge the importance of solitude.
Though I’ve harped on about the importance of having and maintaining strong friendships, solitude is still an incredibly important aspect of growth.
Just not when it’s spurned on by your fear of social interaction.
Getting comfortable with being alone is a vital part of one’s growth.
Because at the end of the day, if you don’t appreciate your own company, then why should others?
But if you’re going to adopt Monk Mode, consider Social Monk Mode instead.
Find your balance between socialising and solitude.
Don’t shut yourself off from the world.
For your sake.
And for the sake of others.
