It’s human nature to want others to like you.
Believe me, I want that too.
But this internal drive often comes at a cost.
The fear of being disliked manifests itself in more ways than you can imagine.
I often discuss that worrying about how others perceive you can hold you back in life, and I think it all loops back to this.
Simply, we don’t like being disliked.
On the surface, it makes sense.
Life’s cool when people like you.
More doors are opened for you, both literally and figuratively.
But the chase to be liked, valued and appreciated can really shape the person we are and the way we live our lives.
And often, this is in conflict with the person we actually want to be.
Let me break it down (not like that Aussie breakdancer at the Olympics).
The Power Of Opinion
“If you are disliked by someone, it is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.”
The Courage To Be Disliked – Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishim
Think of the most prominent people in the world right now.
No matter who they are or what they stand for, there are still many people who dislike, or even hate them.
World leaders, famous sportsmen and women, musicians.
Think Donald Trump, Noah Lyles, Kanye West.
Extreme examples, sure.
But what’s something they all have in common?
Opinions.
Opinions they voice publicly.
Opinions they know others will disagree with.
In a world where it’s easy to conform to popular sentiment, having the courage to stand by one’s beliefs is a truly powerful thing.
But it’s not voicing your opinion that matters; what matters is having the courage to express them.
There’s a difference.
Whilst these prominent figures do this on world stage, it’s not necessary for you and I.
In fact, I’d argue true courage isn’t necessarily preaching your beliefs to the masses, but rather expressing them through the way you live your life on a daily basis.
Living how you want to live, expressing yourself the way you want to express yourself, both when people are watching and, especially, when they aren’t.
That’s courage.
And it’s so powerful because often it can be so difficult to do.
Never Be Afraid To Be A Beginner
A person who is obsessed with the desire for recognition does not have any community feeling yet, and has not managed to engage in self-acceptance, confidence in others, or contribution to others.”
The Courage To Be Disliked – Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishim
Fearing being disliked goes hand-in-hand with being afraid of judgement – and being afraid of judgement will stop you from trying new things.
Now, that’s a problem.
So many incredible things happen when you allow yourself to become a beginner again.
Think of Steve Jobs, whose willingness to embrace the beginner’s mindset fuelled year after year of groundbreaking innovation at Apple.
Or Pablo Picasso, who constantly reinvented his style, unafraid to explore new techniques that might have been met with criticism.
When you’re not seeking recognition or acceptance, you put yourself in a place to do wonderful things.
You will suck.
You will look awkward.
And yeah, people will judge you.
But that, my friends, is what sparks the freeing nature of being disliked, judged or mocked.
Whilst others are spending their time laughing at you, you’re spending your time growing.
Enter their minds, and you’ll find the judges you’re so afraid of – and how ridiculously they judge themselves.
Marcus Aurelius – Meditations
A short one this week…
Memento mori.
