Yes, really.
How?
Because I’m starting to learn why I get so anxious at times… and you and I aren’t that much different.
I think pretty much all anxiety stems from a lack of self-respect.
This is true in relationships, in the workplace and in social settings.
I feel anxious whenever I feel like I’m not good enough to talk to that specific person, get that specific job or complete that specific task.
In other words, I feel anxious whenever I feel inadequate.
I can almost guarantee you feel the same way.
Work, relationships and social settings are the three most important categories I can think of, so I’ll break each one down.
Anxiety In The Workplace
Let’s start with work.
My anxiety was through the roof when I was applying and interviewing for my first journalism job back in the day.
I was desperate.
I put every interviewer/potential job on a pedestal.
And this showed.
I was anxious as sh*t.
This is something you can’t really control in the early stages of your career.
You lack experience, mainly due to your age, so this is something you’ll just have to deal with.
These days however, I’m confident I will get an interview for pretty much any job I apply for (within reason).
That’s because of this here side hustle – my little writing & creation space.
I see what I’m doing here as a valuable skill.
When you have a valuable skill, you’re more desirable.
When you’re more desirable, you have to do less chasing.
When you actually have a skill set that you know is desirable, you will respect yourself and your time a lot more.
And trust me, this comes off in an interview.
Next time you apply for a job, put yourself in the interviewer’s shoes.
Would they be blown away by your application?
If the answer is no, then you need to accept the anxiety that comes with this process.
You need to get to a point where they’d be stupid not to hire you.
Build your personal brand, teach yourself desirable skills, then watch what happens to your anxiety.
Anxiety In Relationships
You’re anxious in relationships because you’re scared of things not working out.
You’re scared of things not working out because that means you’ll be alone.
You don’t want to be alone because you don’t like your own company.
That’s a problem.
Finding comfort in solitude is so important, and I’ve found this to be incredibly true in relationships.
You need to enjoy hanging out with yourself.
A partner should be an addition to your life, not a fix.
I’m speaking from personal experience here, and time and time again I’m reminded of this fact.
This person can only mask your own inadequacies temporarily – and this usually happens whilst everything is new and exciting.
As time goes on, these problems that you’ve tried to mask over will arise once again.
You will never truly be ready, and there will always be things you need to work on, but the thought of being alone shouldn’t scare you.
If it does, then you should probably ask yourself why.
Overcoming Social Anxiety (Eating The Frog)
The third, and I’d say the most important, overarching category, is social anxiety.
I say this is overarching because I believe social anxiety can stem from a lack of self-respect in any and every aspect of your life.
You hate the way you look.
You hate the way others perceive you.
You’re embarrassed about your lack of accomplishments, your job, your fashion sense.
Or you just hate subjecting yourself to new environments and new people.
At one point or another, I’ve experienced all of that.
Again, bringing it back – all of those reasons are due to a lack of self-respect.
Focusing on these three areas has done a lot for my social anxiety:
1. Focus On Looks
Life is better when you look better.
I don’t care how shallow that sounds – deep down you know how important looks are.
One of my favourite quotes is by Matthew McConaughey, who says, “good looks don’t cook the dinner, but they’ll get you a seat at the table.”
In other words, good looks open doors.
What you do once you’re in the room, well that’s up to you.
But man, life is much easier when doors are being opened for you.
Eat good, wholesome food.
Workout consistently.
Do what you can to look better, and life will get better – guaranteed.
2. Accomplish Hard Sh*t
You can’t be proud of yourself if you don’t give yourself a reason to be proud.
What was the last thing you accomplished that was actually hard?
This is all relative.
For example, I used to be petrified of flying.
So I kept flying, and eventually that fear turned into excitement.
To most people, that’s not accomplishing anything… but it quite literally opened up the world to me.
This relates to the whole ‘eat the frog’ premise.
You’ve just got to do the thing you’re worried about.
If you don’t, the frog (anxiety) will eat you.
For some, that’s finally running an ultramarathon.
For others, it’s going to the dentist for the first time in a decade.
Two vastly different situations, both perceived similarly by your brain.
3. Live According To Your Values
Your life will change when you start living in accordance with your values.
If you don’t quite know what those values are, I suggest taking the time to figure them out.
It’s difficult to be sure of yourself when you’re living a life designed by someone else.
Working a job you hate.
Following a routine that doesn’t satisfy you.
Hanging out with people who drain your energy every time you’re with them.
When my life sucks, I don’t want to be social.
Even thinking about having to talk to people about it is anxiety-inducing.
But when my life is great, when I’m living on my own terms, the idea of social interaction excites me.
This feeling can only come from a life that’s been designed by you.
It might take a while to figure out what that looks like, but you’ll get there.
