I’m 27 and just moved back in with my parents.
That sentence alone is enough to scare the living crap out of younger Jack.
I’m also single, don’t have a pet, and don’t plan on buying property anytime soon (you know – all the things my friends and other people my age are doing).
But you know what?
I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
If you feel like you’re behind in life – it’s probably not because of where you actually are.
It’s because you’re not where you think you should be.
There is a huge difference.
Let me explain.
The Battle Against Your Perceptions
Your mind likes to play tricks on you.
Internal perceptions coupled with external pressure can often make you feel like you’re not good enough.
We’re raised with societal goals in mind that we’re supposed to hit by a certain age.
Graduate university by 23.
Six-figure job by 26.
Kids by 28.
Homeownership by 30.
All the little milestones that we like to judge ourselves against.
You don’t need me to tell you that achieving these milestones doesn’t actually correlate with a fulfilled life.
But even when you know it doesn’t, you can’t help but feel like you’re missing out when others achieve them… right?
The Importance of Identifying Your Values
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.
Defining my values and aligning my life accordingly was the best thing I have ever done.
At this stage in my life, I don’t value marriage.
I do not value having a partner.
I do not value being locked into mortgage repayments.
I do not value owning a pet (because it makes travelling more difficult).
So why should I be jealous of others when they obtain these things?
I can’t be falling behind if I’m not even involved in the race.
This is why I’m actually enjoying living with my parents at the moment.
I value the ability to save money.
I value a quiet space to sleep and work.
I value not having to stress about my living situation.
What’s the trade-off?
Being ‘embarrassed’ to live with my parents at 27.
Ahhh – external pressure and internal perceptions rearing their heads again!
I feel incredibly lucky to have this opportunity, and I know it’s a temporary stage in my life.
I have the flexibility to save and travel wherever and whenever I please, and I plan to do this.
Locking myself into a mortgage because ‘that’s what everyone else does’ would go against my values and trap me into a life I don’t want to live.
Are you putting off doing something that would make your life much more enjoyable, simply because you’re trying to meet the expectations of others?
The Illusion Of Falling Behind
“She wasn’t a person to whom things happen. She did all the happenings.”
Muriel Spark
But hold on a minute… what if you actually do want these things?
Look, there are some things you can’t control.
Finding a suitable partner to have kids with – that’s tough.
Especially now that most of us men have micro-plastics in our balls and our sperm count is rapidly declining (you think I’m making this up… sadly I’m not).
But obtaining all that other stuff? Well – you know you can do that.
You can get a degree if you want it.
You can get that six-figure job if you truly want it.
You can do all the stuff that’s making you jealous if you actually put in the work.
But you’ll probably find that, when you get it, you didn’t actually want it in the first place.
Aligning Your Life With Your Values
Now, I’m going to post something from my personal journal… eeeeeeeek!
It’s not too revealing, but I think it’s something that really might help you.
This is called the Wheel Of Life, a little exercise to see how aligned your life is to your values.
The wheel consists of 9 segments; body, mind, soul, romance, family, friends, growth, money and mission.
Each score correlates to how aligned each section of your life is to your values.
For example, money is not ‘how much money you have’, but rather ‘am I making money in a way that aligns with my values?’
If you’re making $1,000 each week doing work that truly fulfils you, this score might be a 10. But if you’re making $2,000 each week doing something you hate, this score might be a 4.
Same thing for romance. If you’re indulging in meaningless flings, this score might be a 5. But if you’ve chosen to take some time out of the game to focus your energy towards yourself, then the score might be a 9.
I like to add an overall ‘joy’ score afterwards too, which really just correlates to how much joy I have for life at the moment (it’s not an average of all the other scores added together).
I do the Wheel of Life every few months, and it really helps me see where I’m focusing my energy, and what areas of my life are lagging behind.
If you’re feeling crap, and you don’t know why – then the Wheel Of Life will make it clear.
The Curse Of The Doomscroll
Now, I almost questioned including this final section in the article, just because at this point in time I feel like it’s so bloody obvious.
But… if you’re feeling behind in life, I’m going to hazard a guess that you’re a regular user of social media.
You’re waking up looking at some famous person’s highlight reel before you head into your mundane 9-5 job.
If you’re doing this, then it’s no wonder you feel behind in life.
Your life will change when you stop doomscrolling and endlessly consuming content on Instagram on TikTok.
I’m not going to try and persuade you to stop, because I know you already know this.
But if you can’t bring yourself to delete your accounts, then at least try to change the way you use them.
Instead of consuming, try to create more.
Post something cool for your followers to see… that’s why they follow you!
Make some reels, take some really cool photos to post, do something that challenges your creative mind.
My life changed when I started using social media to create, rather than consume.
And I guarantee it will do the same for you.
Just Do What You Wanna Do Man
“What do we need? The truth: not much. Some food and water. Work that we can challenge ourselves with. A calm mind in the midst of adversity. Sleep. A solid routine. A cause we are committed to. Something we’re getting better at.”
Ryan Holiday – Discipline is Destiny
It’s taken me a long time to become comfortable with where I am in life.
I still have grand plans that I’m working towards, but I understand that I’m exactly where I need to be right now.
The most important thing is that you don’t allow yourself to settle for less.
It’s one thing to be comfortable with where you are, but it’s another thing entirely to allow yourself to settle.
You need a cause that you’re committed to.
You need to be getting better at something.
This is where you find fulfilment, on the journey towards something greater.
Enjoy the journey, forget the destination, and give two middle fingers to external expectations.
